I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
