like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
