Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
