At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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