Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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