Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
