Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
