I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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