I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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