Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Drunk is a universal language darling
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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