I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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