legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
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