My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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