i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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