Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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