I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
