shes about as inviting as chlamydia
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
