My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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