Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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