My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize