Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
