legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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