so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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