I wanna passion pit in your ass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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