Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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