Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
