Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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