It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
