Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
