sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
