he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
