Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just wanna soil my oats bro
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
