obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
