I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
