Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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