My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
