You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
