roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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