Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
