I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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