woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
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