He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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