The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
