been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
