Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
