How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
