I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
