im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
