She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
