why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.