How drunk are you??
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!