I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
