When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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