i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
