you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
