Pants 0. Shit 1.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
