She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
