you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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