I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
