I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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