I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I want to fling myself into the sun
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