if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
