He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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