if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
