btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just had sex bonerless
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
