yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
