Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
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I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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