she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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