From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
