i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
