just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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