was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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