We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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