My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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