ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
