Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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