Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
