Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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