Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize