I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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