Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
