I'm jealous of your bromance
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
