I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Vodka?
Forever.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
